goodbye, horny tumblr

catfasteve:

it’s so difficult not being able to use milennial humor in a corporate setting. like i made a mistake today and i wanted to tell my supervisor it’s because i suffer from Dumb Bitch Disease, but do you think that would fly?? fuck no. i gotta say shit like, “sorry for the misunderstanding!” i can’t wait till the workforce is made up entirely of millennials and i can say “sorry i drank idiot juice for breakfast this morning” and my coworkers will be like “oh worm.”

my work is made up of entirely millenials save for our bosses  so i talk like this all the time at work and even though my corworkers arent all memelord shitpostwers  they still get it  im fortunate 

i held a baby last night and now i have baby fever

im crying babies are so cute i want to protect them....  im not ready for motherhood yet obviously but please... babby.... 

thebootydiaries:

Cop: Have you been drinking?

Me: I been drankin’

Cop: Surfbort

Me: Surfbort

and the saga continues….

coworker: *back from break, doing fucking lettuce repacks*

me: uhhh are you… back?

coworker: oh yeah!! [produce manager] is really struggling so i’m helping her out

me: oh um. okay. let me know when you can be back on the floor and i’ll leave

coworker: oh this is gonna take a while. haha

me: :^) okay

produce manager: *straight up fucking leaves an hour early*

me: HMMM INTERESTING

im crying i just... i wanted to go home 8 hours ago lol 

me: hey i really don’t feel good i think i’m gonna go home

coworker: oh will you wait until i’m done with my break? then you can go?

me: oh sure

coworker: *takes an unapproved hour long break while i finish the order lmaooo*

u were dupposed to take... 30 minutes... 

gotta say getting scolded by ur boss is the worst feeling ever

i wasnt at the reg bc its delivery day and i was putting away the bulk quinoa  my boss was at the computer desk behind the reg and a customer came up  she hollered to me and i came up to assist and the customer left to go get one more thing  i she proceeded to scold me for not being up there like  ’i need someone always up here im making wine labels and cant do register at the same time’  like... idk im having a bad day today and getting scolded is making me feel so much worse lol  like... im doing my job and i dont have an extra eye to keep on the register im sorry  her concern is valid like someone SHOULD be up there but i cant do ten things at once im gonna cry 

bidoofgodofdestruction:

Komaeda: To think a lowly bug like me has the opportunity to walk among the Ultimates! This is truly more than I deserve but I hope to be useful to you and-

Everyone else:

mfw my crush says the waitress is cute while we’re getting dinner

jealousy is so icy i forgot how )^:< it made me